Peachy's Ramblings & Muses

Case in point: Buddy and me. Together 30 years in November, and married for 28 of them in December. We’re both atheists. And we have every reason in the world not to make it! Two ex-drunks (both sober 30 years now, which is probably why we did make it) who had all the problems newly sober people have on top of the living problems everybody else has… See More.

I figured out something the other day. I’m not a person who believes IN something….. I believe THAT certain things follow others. I believe that if I don’t drink, I won’t get drunk. I believe that when I die I won’t be alive anymore. I believe that dark comes at night and the sun will rise in the morning and that if I jump as high as I can, gravity will still bring me back down to earth. I believe that the earth is relatively round and that I’ll never make it to the north pole. Or the south pole, either, for that matter. I believe that if I’m wrong, and there is a god, I’ll see her/him someday, and probably be in a lot of trouble. I believe that if I’m wrong and there is a god, she/he will probably be the god I grew up hearing about, and I’ll be forgiven for not believing because of the way I’ve lived my life, according to the things Jesus taught that I learned about in Sunday school and church camp. I believe that if I’m wrong and there is a heaven, love will trump hate, and forgiveness will overcome blame, and mean people won’t be allowed to come in.

You know, there are some things we believe in. We believe in each other and in our marriage and in our love. Absolutely, joyfully, unconditionally, without fear or doubt. That sort of faith doesn’t come easily or without effort. We’ve each earned that faith from the other. We believe in our sobriety and the program of AA that gave us our lives back. We believe in AA because we saw it work for other people before we tried to make it work for us. We have to see empirical evidence that something exists and works before we are able to believe in it. We’re just not capable of faith for the sake of faith or belief because we want to believe. Believe me, I’ve tried. I nearly got drunk 3 years sober I tried so hard.

Whatever we’re doing obviously works for us, though. And I’d fight for anyone’s right to believe as they choose if it helps that person live in this difficult and frightening world. I even sometimes envy people who are capable of faith. I’m just not. And I don’t need to be. I just need to remember that if I don’t drink, I won’t get drunk, and if I don’t stick my hand into a nest of cottonmouths I won’t get bitten. As long as I believe THAT certain things follow another, I’m safe and happy. And married.